


and when you're away, i still feel it all the same

by lanfraedo



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Reincarnation, Sexual Content, Spoilers, if you don't want to be spoiled, look away, or haven't watch tros yet, they're so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:20:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanfraedo/pseuds/lanfraedo
Summary: The dreams come and go, but you're always here. Because no one's ever really gone.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 129





	and when you're away, i still feel it all the same

**Author's Note:**

> this contains spoilers about the rise of skywalker, so please, pleeeeease, look away to avoid being spoiled, dear reader. chapter six of secret admirer will probably take some time to write, due to my current feelings about the ending of the movie. my heart needs to heal a little. (,: but i needed to write this first in order to begin the process...enjoy <3 (,:

It's the same nightmare again.

The one where she sees nothing but darkness and then suddenly him.

His face is bruised and there's an ache in her chest, deeper than any other pain she's ever felt.

His hand is cold against her stomach and she reaches for it, grasping.

And then she's smiling, tears in her eyes, relieved, relieved from something she has no idea about.

"Ben..." She whispers, as if she can't believe in what she's seeing in front of her.

Her hands are on his face, pulling him towards her and then his lips are on hers. 

She can somehow feel how shocked he is and the joy that follows.

Pulling back from him, she looks into his eyes, tired yet bright with tears that threaten to overflow.

They've won. 

Won what, she has no clue, but they've won.

The smile on Ben's face suddenly softens and Rey can feel something in her seemingly snap.

_What's happening? Wait, no-_

He's fallen over, though she tries to keep him up, failing.

She can feel it.

_Why is this happening?_

He's gone.

_Why does this happen every time?_

She wakes up with tears on her cheeks, blinking the ones that remain in her eyes away.

Ben is already awake, having sensed her distress while sleeping.

Or maybe it was the kick in his side that had woken him up.

He's glad he's awake though, he thinks, taking Rey into his arms.

She sniffles into his chest, not caring about the snot that'll possibly get on him.

"What time is it?" She asks him, voice cracking.

He rubs circles into her back, glancing over at the alarm clock on the cabinet beside the bed they share.

"It's 3:32 AM, sweetheart." 

She leans back to look at him, frowning.

"I'm sorry, Ben."

She feels guilty, knowing that Ben has to wake up in four hours to get ready for work. And she's woken him up. This isn't the first time though, and she doubts it'll be the last.

He shakes his head, shushing her.

"It's okay, baby, don't worry about it. Do you want to talk about it?"

They've spoken about the dreams before.

They began when they met, after all.

She has no idea what they're about, though she can feel all the emotions.

In some of the dreams, she's happy, riding on a neat spaceship with her best friend Finn and a few others. She even pilots the ship sometimes.

Everyone she knows are in the dreams, though sometimes their appearances may be different.

Maz, the old woman who used to take care of her when she was younger, is a peculiar looking alien in her dreams.

It's probably because of all the sci-fi movies she watches with Ben.

But they're all so realistic.

She can feel everything.

Like the dreams where she's rummaging around in an old rusted ship for parts (she thinks?) and then cuts herself on a sharp edge.

She wakes up, checking her arm for a cut that's not there.

Even in those dreams, she seems to lack a family of her own.

Go figure.

Ben's waiting for her answer, his hand now reaching up to move the hair out of her face.

"It was the one where you die. Where you just...disappear."

Her voice cracks at the end and he moves his hand to put it against her cheek.

"I'm right here, sweetheart. That's all that matters."

Ben doesn't dream the same way she does.

His dreams are normal, the same going for the occasional nightmare he has.

Her hands are on him now, pulling him towards her.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her.

They sit that way for a moment, until her tears have stopped and her breathing has calmed.

She looks at the clock.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. Seriously."

Ben rolls his eyes, a small smile on his lips.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's fine. Seriously."

Rey gives him a look, and then moves away to look up at him. 

"I mean it." She says, voice quiet. "I know how hard you work."

She inches closer, coming to straddle him.

Ben's eyes are soft and he leans back against the headboard.

"I think I should make it up to you, Mr. Solo."

Ben lets out a sudden laugh, making Rey's eyes crinkle.

"Rey, please don't call me that. It makes me think of my dad."

He leans in though, eyes on her lips.

"Ben will do just fine."

And then just like in the dream, her mouth is on his. Of course, this kiss lacks the metallic taste of blood.

His hands come up to rest on her hips, settling her further against his lap.

It's like this almost every time after a nightmare, especially this one.

It's as if she has to feel him in order to know he's here with her and not going to just...disappear.

"Rey..."

His voice is enough to excite her alone, but the sight of him beneath her, pupils blown, is everything she needs.

She grinds against him, feeling him grow harder underneath her.

One of Ben's hands move from her hip to inch it's way under her shirt, quickly finding one of her nipples.

She gasps against him and he takes advantage of this, tongue finding it's way into her mouth.

Then, suddenly, she's being flipped over.

Both of his arms are around her and she stares up, wide eyed, at her boyfriend.

Ben's lips are bruised, eyes dark with arousal.

Rey thinks he looks beautiful.

Ben likes it when she's underneath him. He feels like her protector.

He knows that Rey is his protector though.

A hand reaches down to her panties, pulling them aside.

She lets out a small moan when he touches her there, and he smirks at that, leaning down to peck at her lips.

She wraps her thighs around his waist, bringing her hands up to rest on his shoulders.

"I need you." She's desperate. And so in love.

Ben nods, eyes never leaving hers, as he pulls down his sweatpants, just enough.

He's inside her now and she thinks that she could spend the rest of her life like this.

What Rey doesn't know is that Ben is planning to propose soon. He asked his mother for his grandmother's wedding ring two months ago and has been waiting for the right moment to ask the question.

He's never loved someone as much as her in his entire life.

Rey's moans fill the room, along with the occasional groan from Ben.

His hips begin to stutter and Rey's almost _there._

One last thrust and it's like she's seeing stars. Ben's head is in the space between her neck and shoulder, leaving marks she knows she'll have to cover up when they go to his parents this weekend.

They lay there panting, Rey curled up against him. He strokes her hair, and leans over to kiss her forehead.

Ben thinks. 

Suddenly, he's stumbling out of bed, tugging his sweats back up and leaving Rey confused.

"Ben, what are you doing?" He's already across the room, digging in the pocket of the jeans he'd been wearing earlier.

He pulls something out that Rey can't see which makes her worry even more.

Ben doesn't answer her, instead hiding whatever he'd grabbed behind his back. 

He walks slowly back over to their bed, standing there beside her.

She props herself up, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

Her hair is a mess, marks lining her neck.

He thinks she looks beautiful.

And then he's down on one knee.

**Author's Note:**

> anyways ben proposes and they get married and then they have like four kids and leia and han are the best grandparents ever the end (,: sorry if this sucks haha i had tears in my eyes writing 85% of this. let me know what you think and thank you for reading <3


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